There is only one reason to change who you are...
There have been many times in my life that someone has asked me to change the way I act, the way I talk, or the way I work because they didn't like the way I did something. It often takes the form of "could you be less of you?" or "can you dial it back a little?" In today's episode, I want to discuss this and share the one, singular, reason to make changes to who you are or how you act.
One of my favorite scenes in any movie is in How to Train Your Dragon, where Gobber tells Hiccup that he needs to "stop all of... this!" To which Hiccup responds, "But you just pointed to all of me!" Gobber's reply? "Tes! That's it! Stop being all of you!" I have heard variations on that same theme throughout my life, as far back as I can remember, from teachers, bosses, girlfriends, even church leaders and mentors, and I spent a lot of time and effort trying to stop being all of me.
Here is the thing, though. I was trying to change myself to meet some imaginary standard that was set by someone that wasn't in my life long enough to even know what all of me is! Worse than that, I was made to feel like I was less because of these imagined sins imposed on me by someone else. I rather like who I am, and I enjoy spending time with myself, which brings me to my point.
The only reason you should ever change is because you want to.
A little over a year ago I went through the process of losing around 100 pounds. I had tried losing weight in the past, with little success. In fact, I usually ended up gaining weight when all was said and done. I also lost my job, and even managed to alienate some people from my life because of some very toxic traits I discovered as part of this whole mess. As part of working my way out of the chaos of unemployment and being unhealthy I came to the realization that the only way I could get through was to embrace all of what I am. I got to know myself on a fundamental level while out on some very long walks and hikes, and I came to realize that much of the guilt and stress I was carrying was because I was trying to live up to other people's expectations of what I was supposed to be.
It all really came to a head the day I found my stuffed tiger friend on the side of the road [read it here]. I realized that I was trying to live up to someone else's standards and beliefs about what I should be, and I was ignoring who I was. I knew that I needed to change, but the reason for the change had, well, changed. I wanted to become the best version of myself that I could be. To do that I needed to actually discover who I am, what I really want, and how I can best live up to the potential I see in myself. Just like in my weight loss journey, I had a lot of help from friends, family, and even the internet. I purchased Dr. Jordan Peterson's Self Authoring program, which I am still working through, read a ton of books recommended by my dear friends April and Natalie, and started having long mental discussions with myself while walking in the beautiful mountains fo Utah.
One thing I didn't do was seek professional help from a therapist. I think that I may still do that at some point, but for now I don't have enough trust in therapists to go that route. I am going to continue working on myself, and I know that even if things don't get better, just like lifting weights, what I am doing is making me stronger every day.
Image by Kris Ward from Pixabay
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